Which One Of Us Is Unnecessary?
When I got married I believed that I had found my prince, that we would get married, he would love me in every way and I we would live happily ever after. I was just sure that he would meet all of my needs just because he loved me. Take out the trash without being asked? You bet! Wipe noses and change diapers? You bet! There was only one problem- when HE married he thought that he was marrying one of the mom's from the 50's sitcoms. You remember the ones who wore a dress to clean? Or painted the walls in a dress without getting paint on herself? You get the picture. Needless to say our first years together were not all together without problems!
You see there are a lot of words that describe me but "susie homemaker" is not among them! Over the years I have come a long way from the days of burning water and nearly blowing up the oven and myself. (No really!) But back then my poor husband really had expectations about who I should be and how I should act that did not have anything to do with MY image of Cinderella. I have to say I tried--I really did. I tried to be everything he wanted me to be. I did learn to cook, and sew and take reasonably good care of the children. I learned to be home waiting when he arrived home from work, well most days anyway.
But there was one area I never had any luck with- I simply did not always have the same opinion as him! Try as I might to be "submissive", which at the time I thought had to do with agreeing with everything he said or at least trying to anyway, my tongue always got the better of me! My goodness it is a wonder that I did not chew my tongue off trying to hold it from giving my own opinions. It did not matter what the subject, I really did have my own opinion and it would sneak out at the worst possible times. Like when I was really mad about something-which was a lot more often at that time than I would like to admit. Now I have been known to say things that, in retrospect, I think might not have been the right thing (I am sure that you have NEVER done that). It was right about this time that I started telling my poor husband "if we both have the same opinion on everything then one of us is unnecessary!" Not the brightest thing I have ever said, I will admit, but it did convey my thoughts exactly!
At the time, it really never entered my mind that there was a reason I felt that way. There was a reason I was not having any luck keeping my opinions to myself and could not understand why my husband was not all that interested in what I had to say. It was all Eve's fault! Yes, that's right Eve went and did it. You see when God took mud and made Adam something inside him was wired to be a hunter/gatherer. Whereas, when God took a rib from Adam to create Eve, she was literally a part of him so she was really into the relationship with him. And for both of them there was the perfect relationship with their heavenly Father. It was perfect in every way. Adam would perfectly meet all of Eve's relationship needs while she was a helper to him in his work and God blessed it all. Then what happened? Eve could not JUST SAY NO!
Ever since then the curse has meant that the Eve's in the world like you and me never, ever get all of our relationship needs met by even the most loving man. We work and we strive and still we feel inadequate. The questions, like "why doesn't he love me?" and "what will it take to make him happy?" plague our minds and drive us to distraction. We feel too tall or too short too fat or too thin and all the while what we really want most is for that important person in our lives to be our everything. But, it is not to be!
All these years later, and somewhat wiser, I find that I was really right! In Genesis (read Genesis 2:18-25), God really did make Adam and Eve different after all! They did not share the exact same opinions or ideas because they were wired differently. She was all about relationships and he was all about tending the garden. So here we are today still fighting about whose opinion matters, why it matters, and what we should do about it. I know I am really into my relationships with other people, especially my husband. My husband, on the other hand, is all about hunting and gathering; well not literally but you know what I mean! Those God-given intrinsic differences are all askew just like everything else in this fallen world.
So what is a wise woman to do? Well, unlike the me all those years ago, I need to NOT give the poor man my opinion on EVERY topic. I need to leave him some room to do the leading. Perhaps I should only give my opinion when I can do it in the love of Christ- now there is a novel idea! The way I see it each woman has to decide how best to be a support to those around her-especially her husband if she has one. The cardinal rule is that men need to be respected but women need to be loved. If we can just find that balance between the two then our marriages will be stronger, and our families will be happier.
The other thing I know I need to do is to find my value in Christ. He is the only one who can and will meet all of my needs. No other human knows me the way Christ does. No other human loves me the way Christ does. He sees me and knows me and loves me anyway- opinions and all! I am a daughter of the King (God the Father) and joint heir with Jesus the son. He is my big brother and unlike many of our big brothers here on this earth He is perfect. He will always come through.
Perhaps you need to get to know your real Big Brother? Maybe you have been looking for love in all the wrong places? (Sorry, old songs die hard!) But really, your thoughts, and dreams, and hopes and yes, even your opinions matter to Jesus! You are definitely not "unnecessary" to Him!
But it is still Eve's fault!